Broken Glass Read online

  “There are a lot of people here,” Channing commented, looking around. Not only our small ward of patients was attending, but also all the nurses and techs from our ward and other parts of Craneville were standing around, all dolled up. I smiled when I saw Princess Golden dancing contently in the middle of the room.

  “Where’s Aurelia?” I heard Channing ask then. I looked at her and was surprised that there was a slightly worried expression on her face.

  “Who knows,” Henry said. “C’mon, Chan. Let’s go dance!” He grabbed her hand and dragged her out to the middle of the room.

  “Who would’ve pegged Henry as a dancer?” Shakespeare said to me.

  “If you can even call that dancing,” I laughed.

  “Oh, you have to give him some credit,” Julianne laughed, too, then. “What d’you say, Shakespeare? May this old lady have a dance with a young handsome man as yourself?”

  “I’d be honored,” Shakespeare grinned and held out his hand. She took it and off they went. I couldn’t help but smile at them. I stood there for another moment, just watching everyone dance, and then made my way over to the tables in the corner of the room to get some punch.

  As I was dipping the blood red punch out of the punch bowl and pouring it into my cup, I heard my name.

  “Ava.”

  My hand froze mid-dipping out the punch when I felt his warm breath on my ear. I didn’t turn to him. I didn’t say anything.

  “Mind getting me some punch, while you’re at it?” he asked, his voice joking now. I slowly lowered the big spoon back into the punch bowl. I just stared down at the punch, not speaking to him.

  “Are you going to talk to me, Ava?” he asked, and he touched my arm then, causing me to jump. I looked at him finally.

  “I don’t have anything to say,” I was surprised at how cold my voice sounded. He was, too, by the look on his face.

  “Is this about my absence?” he asked me then, his tone becoming very gentle. “Ava, I’m sorry, I just—”

  “Why are you apologizing?” I asked, letting my eyes meet his. This was a mistake. “You don’t have to come visit me every day. I’m a nutcase, I’m supposed to be alone most of the time anyway.”

  “Ava,” he said, with a defeated sigh. “Please don’t say such things. I wanted to come see you…God knows I did.”

  “Why?” I replied and I realized my hands were shaking. “I’m nothing to you, just a patient. And that’s okay. I shouldn’t be a priority in your life.”

  “But, Ava, you are a priority for me,” he said, and I was surprised at his suddenly pained voice. I just stared at him, unable to breathe, unable to think.

  “I-I need some fresh air,” I mumbled and sat my cup of punch down on the table. I rushed past him and to the door.

  “Josephine, can I go outside on the walkway and get some air?” I asked her, as she was standing by the door. She nodded and smiled.

  “Sure, baby, are you all right?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I’m just a little hot, wanted to cool off,” I offered her the biggest smile I could manage.

  “Okay, don’t be out too long, now,” she was smiling back and I quickly made my way outside. When the cool night air hit my face, I could finally breathe again. I only took a few steps before collapsing in the grass. I began to cry, my breath coming in heavy gasps. What was going on? Why did I have this horrible feeling inside of me? Why was I so upset—angry, even—with Conner? I hadn’t meant what I’d said about not being his priority. I knew I hadn’t. But it should be true, shouldn’t it? I shouldn’t be anything to him. So why did he keep saying I was? It wasn’t right. It just wasn’t right.

  “Ava!”

  I looked up and saw Conner running towards me. He knelt down beside me.

  “Ava, what is this?” he asked, gently wiping my tears away with his thumbs. My lips were quivering now. The December air was very cold on my bare arms.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered, more tears rolling down my cheeks. “Oh, Henry will kill me. I bet my make-up’s all runny now.”

  Conner smiled.

  “You look absolutely stunning,” he murmured, wiping more tears from my cheeks. “He won’t notice anything array, I’m sure.”

  “Why did you follow me out here?” I asked him, abruptly. “If your mother found you out here…”

  “What would happen?” he asked, and his voice was stern. “We’re not doing anything wrong, Ava. This isn’t wrong.”

  I looked away from him when he said this. It had to be wrong.

  “Why haven’t you come to see me?” I whispered. Conner sat back on the grass and sighed.

  “I didn’t think you’d want me to,” he answered. “After what happened—or what didn’t happen—that day while you were decorating the activities room, I assumed you’d not want to see me again.”

  I looked over at him quickly.

  “That’s stupid!” I found myself sputtering. “Why would I ever just not want to see you again?”

  He laughed and held up his hands.

  “Whoa!” he was chuckling. “No need to be so defensive! I was looking out for what I assumed was your best interest…I can see now I was mistaken?”

  I didn’t answer him. All that time I had been so sick and miserable, and it was just because he’d been a stupid boy. How irritating. How embarrassing that I’d gotten myself so worked up over his absence. I guess Conner could tell how annoyed I was at this situation, so he decided to take advantage of it and tease me.

  “Aw, Ava,” he crooned, smiling crookedly. “Were you sad when I didn’t come ‘round? Did you miss me or something?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “I didn’t even notice,” I snapped back. He laughed, a deep rumbling laugh that caused me to smile, just a little.

  “You’re a turd,” I told him. He laughed even harder.

  “A what?” he asked. “A ‘turd’? You Americans…”

  “Well you are!” I told him, almost scolding. “You come out here, all high and mighty, like you’re something special! Like I was dying without seeing you!”

  “Well, weren’t you?” he was smirking now. I got to my feet.

  “I’m going back inside,” I announced, quickly checking my dress for grass stains.

  “You’re breathtaking tonight,” he said then and I looked over at him quickly. He was now standing up as well, staring at me. I felt my face turn hot. He took a step closer towards me, his face very close to mine again.

  “If I didn’t think you’d slap the daylights out of me, I’d kiss you,” he whispered, the dimples deepening in his cheeks. I was definitely flushed now.

  “I would slap you,” I whispered back, not allowing myself to look up to meet his green gaze.

  “Just because I was an idiot and thought you wanted me to leave you alone?” he asked, chuckling softly. “Can’t you forgive a poor fool for that?”

  “No,” I replied. “And anyway, it isn’t just that. You know I could never let you kiss me…or anyone kiss me, for that matter.”

  “Do I know that?” he asked. “Hmmm, and what possible good reason could you have for doing that?”

  “I can’t ever be with anyone like that again,” my voice was firm and I looked up at him now. “It’s just not meant for me. I’ve got too much baggage. You know that.”

  “Everyone has baggage,” I noticed irritation creeping up in his voice. “What makes your baggage any different?”

  “It just is,” I said, and I took a step away from him. For the first time, I noticed how wonderful he looked, all dressed up in black slacks, a hunter green shirt, and a silver tie. His hair looked longer, and I noticed a new curl hanging over his forehead.

  “I’m a mess,” I told him, my voice softening. “I’m sorry for the way I am, but I don’t see that ever changing. Besides, I’m here for six more months. Who knows how much worse I could get.”

  “Well, that’s certainly a good attitude to have,” Conner muttered, and suddenly, he walked
past me.

  “Where are you going?” I called after him.

  “Inside,” he replied, not looking back at me. “It’s cold out here.”

  Somehow, I knew he wasn’t talking about the temperature.

  I stood out there for a few more minutes, feeling chilly and abandoned. Was I hurting him by being honest? Was I hurting myself?

  My thoughts were broken by Shakespeare bursting out the ward doors and running towards me.

  “What is it?” I asked him immediately.

  “It’s Aurelia,” he gasped, trying to catch his breath. “She’s dead.”

  21.

  The lounge area was filled with everyone from the New Year’s Eve party when Shakespeare and I got back inside. They were all talking loudly amongst themselves, confused and worried looks on every face. Julianne was nowhere to be seen.

  “Henry!” Shakespeare called, and Henry ran over to us from the crowd.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “Not exactly sure,” he was biting his bottom lip nervously. “Channing and Julianne are in Aurelia’s room, along with some nurses and paramedics. Channing found her about ten minutes ago and we all heard screaming coming from the ward, so a bunch of nurses ran back there and that’s all they’ve told us.”

  “You’re sure she’s…dead?” My mouth was wide open in shock, not believing this.

  “Yeah, that’s a definite,” he sighed and put his hand to his forehead. “I can’t believe this.”

  “Oh, Henry, are you all right?” I put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, and his eyes were tired.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. “Just wishing I knew more. I hate waiting like this.”

  “Me, too,” Shakespeare spoke up.

  “Are you all right?” I whispered to him. He just shrugged, not saying anything.

  Then, the ward doors opened and two paramedics slowly wheeled out a stretcher topped with what clearly was a body covered by a thin white sheet. The reality of Aurelia’s death hit me then like a ton of bricks. What on earth had happened?

  I was surprised when another pair of paramedics wheeled another stretcher out, this one with a living, breathing body on it.

  “Channing!” I called out, running over to them. She was lying there, staring up at the ceiling and shaking.

  “Channing,” I cried again, trying to get to her, but I felt someone grab me by my arms from behind.

  “They’ve got to get her out of here,” Conner’s voice was in my ear. “She’s okay, Ava, just let them go for now so they can get her some help.”

  I nodded and just stood there, watching helplessly as they wheeled Channing out.

  “Oh, God, what’s wrong with her?” I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned around and buried my face against Conner’s shirt, the tears spilling out.

  “Shhhh, shhhh, Ava, she’ll be all right,” Conner lips were against my hair. He wrapped his arms around me and held me to him as I cried.

  “She looked so helpless!” I cried. “What happened to her?” I pulled away and looked up at his face. There was deep concern in his eyes.

  “I don’t know much, Ava,” he told me, quietly. “But she’s probably just in shock from seeing Aurelia. I’m assuming the poor girl took her own life, but I don’t know how. We don’t know what Channing saw in there.”

  I nodded and suddenly, I was very aware of many people looking at us. Conner’s arms stiffened then and dropped to his sides, releasing me. His gaze was looking past me now and his jaw was clenched. I slowly turned around and saw Julianne standing there, unmistakable anger in her eyes.

  “Is Channing all right?” Henry stepped forward and asked Julianne. She didn’t look at Henry, or even acknowledge that he’d spoken. She walked slowly towards Conner and me.

  “Conner, please go to my office,” she said, through gritted teeth. Everyone was definitely staring at us now. Conner didn’t say a word and walked off towards Julianne’s office.

  Julianne turned to the crowd of people then.

  “Thank you for your assistance,” she announced. “But you may all go back to your wards, or home, now. We have the situation at hand under control. As for all my patients in Ward 4, please go to the group therapy room and wait for me. I will be with you shortly.”

  “Julianne,” I started, but she gave me a look so icy that I shut my mouth.

  “Group therapy room, Ava,” was all she said, and then walked away towards her office. I looked over at Shakespeare and Henry, who just stood there looking as dumbfounded as I felt.

  “C’mon, Ava,” Shakespeare took my arm. “Let’s just go to the group therapy room and wait.” I nodded and the three of us headed in the same direction as the other patients.

  We must have waited over half an hour before Julianne finally walked in. But all the while we were waiting, no one in that room said a word. I was grateful for a break in the silence, even if Julianne was unhappy with me for whatever reason at the moment.

  “All right, everyone,” Julianne took a seat in her usual chair. She looked so tired. “I don’t want to keep anything from you, so I’m going to tell you exactly what happened here tonight. I’m not going to leave out any details because I believe you all deserve to know what happened.

  “Now what you already know is that, yes, Aurelia Sykes is dead. I suppose this all happened almost an hour ago now, but we hadn’t seen Aurelia at the party, so Channing decided to go to Aurelia’s room and see when she’d be coming to the party. She’d come to breakfast, lunch, and dinner today, so all of us assumed she was fine. When Channing went into Aurelia’s room, she was hanging by her neck in her closet by a very thin piece of rubber rope. Channing began screaming, so the nurses and I ran back to Aurelia’s room. One of the nurses called the paramedics immediately, and by the looks of things, Aurelia had been dead for some time. Channing went into shock, so we had the paramedics take her to the nearby public hospital to get treatment. She is stable, however, when I hear more of her condition, I’ll let you all know.

  “As for other details of this matter—why she killed herself, or how she got that rope, I am clueless. I hope that more comes to light very soon. I’ve never had anyone kill themselves in any of my wards before under my care, so this is just as unnerving to me as it is to you. If any of you need to talk to me, I’m here. You can even ask one of the nurses to call me, anytime, day or night, and I’ll come right up here. This is a tragedy that will affect us all undoubtedly.”

  Everyone was quiet. We were all in shock.

  “How do you personally think she got that rope?” Shakespeare asked Julianne then, and I noticed his voice shook.

  “Oh, Shakespeare, I wish I knew exactly,” Julianne sighed. “My guess is that any system has loopholes, so obviously there was a loophole we missed. Someone had to provide her with that rope…but as to whom and how, I’m baffled.”

  Shakespeare just nodded and sat back in his chair, quiet again.

  “Well, if that’s all, I’ve got to take care of some things involving this matter,” Julianne told us. “Sorry your party got cut short.”

  She got to her feet and walked towards the door. As everyone began getting up to leave, I rushed out the door after Julianne.

  “Julianne,” I said and she turned around. Immediately, her face darkened.

  “Julianne,” I said again. “Is-is everything all right? I mean, a-are you upset with me for any reason? I had no idea Aurelia would—”

  “Of course I wouldn’t think you had anything to do with Aurelia’s suicide,” Julianne interrupted, almost snapping. “But there are other things going on with you that I’m very well aware of, Ava. We’ll talk about this on Monday, all right? There are bigger things to worry about right now.” With that, she turned on her heels and walked away.

  “Ava, are you all right?” I heard Henry behind me. I turned around and looked at him. Had he heard everything? Shakespeare stepped up beside him then, too.

  “Let’s go to my room,” Henry sugg
ested. “We’ve still got about an hour before lights out.”

  When we walked out of the group therapy room, the entire Ward had spiraled a 180. Security guards, nurses, and techs were everywhere, watching us with seemingly unblinking stares. We went through the security doors to our rooms and the every room had two hospital staff members on either side of the door. Though we constantly joked about “the nuthouse”, this was the first time I actually really felt like I was in an asylum.

  Once the three of us were inside Henry’s room, Henry immediately turned to me.

  “What’s going on with you, Ava?” he asked, sitting down on his bed next to me. I was looking down at my hands in my lap, twisting them nervously.

  “What do you mean?” I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  “Has he taken advantage of you?” Shakespeare spoke up, anger creeping into his voice. I looked up at him quickly.

  “No!” I said, knowing exactly who Shakespeare was referring to. “Conner would never do that to me.”

  “Then he is in love with you,” Henry stated. I looked at him and our eyes met. I didn’t have to say anything to confirm that this was possibly true.

  “I hope Channing is okay,” I said aloud. “I want to see her.”

  “We will,” Henry replied, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Ava, what will you do if Julianne doesn’t allow Conner to come back to see you anymore?”

  “I thought he had to see all of us unless we requested otherwise,” I spoke up, my voice shrill.

  “I doubt that,” Shakespeare muttered.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I sighed. “I am just a patient.”

  “I, along with everyone else, saw the way he held you as you cried tonight,” Henry told me. “You are not just a patient to him, and you know it. The question is, are you going to let yourself be more than just a patient for him or are you going to push him away?”