Broken Glass Read online

  “Ava?” he looked only at me, as if Henry wasn’t even in the room. He was walking slowly towards me.

  “Hey,” I said, putting down the streamers with suddenly shaking hands. “What’s up?”

  “Just making my rounds,” Conner said, smiling. “Hey, Henry.”

  “Hello,” Henry was grinning.

  “Oh?” I asked, avoiding any eye contact with him. I couldn’t give Henry the satisfaction. “Back to rounds? I thought you were gone from our ward.” I tried to keep this statement as casually cool as possible, as if I’d barely noticed his absence for the last two days.

  “Gone?” he raised his eyebrows and stopped just a few feet in front of me. “Why would I be gone? I’ve just been stuck up in the critical wards for a couple of days, helping out, learning. I’m back now, though.”

  “Oh,” was all I could think to say, and I picked the streamers back up. My hands were still trembling uncontrollably. I hoped he didn’t notice.

  “It’s beginning to look like a party in here,” he commented.

  “Thanks,” Henry spoke up. “Do you want to take over my part for a minute? I’ve got to use the bathroom something terrible.” The look I gave Henry then could’ve burned a hole straight through his forehead. That sneaky little…

  “Sure thing,” Conner smiled, walking over to Henry and taking the streamers from him.

  “Thanks,” Henry said, giving me a sly smile. “Be right back.”

  But he didn’t come right back. Ten minutes went by and neither Conner nor I had said a word. I never would’ve thought I’d be able to concentrate so intensely on something such as taping streamers up on a wall.

  “How’ve you been these last couple of days?” Conner spoke up finally. I looked over at him and he was taping his streamers to the higher part of the wall. Again, I realized how tall he was compared to me.

  “Just fine,” I answered, standing on my tiptoes as I tried to hang my streamers just as high on the wall as he was.

  “Did you notice when I didn’t come ‘round?” he asked then, and I was surprised at how bold he had been. I didn’t look at him.

  “Yes,” I answered truthfully.

  “I thought about stopping by before going home,” he went on. “Just to let you know where I’d been. But I figured you…you wouldn’t want that.”

  My stomach began twisting in knots.

  “You don’t have to let me know,” I told him. “You’re not obligated to tell me personal things about your life.”

  “I want to.”

  The roll of streamers fell out of my hands and my face was suddenly hot. The streamers rolled across the floor and stopped when they’d hit the side of Conner’s shoe. I just stood there. He bent over, picked up the roll, and slowly walked over to where I stood, frozen in place. He held it out to me and wordlessly, I took it.

  “I’m sorry if that was too forward,” he said, his voice low and soft. “It’s just…well, you’ve been very honest and straightforward with me these last few weeks, so I thought you deserved the same.”

  I nodded, looking down at the ground.

  “Thank you,” I managed to croak. I turned around then and began unrolling the streamers again, trying to pretend like he hadn’t said what he’d said, that he hadn’t seen my flushed face and shaking hands. I stood on my tiptoes then, trying to tape the streamers up where I wanted them.

  “Here, let me help.”

  And suddenly, he was right behind me, putting his hands over mine to take the streamers. His scent filled my nostrils, causing my trembling to become almost seizure-like. He was so much taller than I and leaned forward, his chest touching my back as he taped the streamers high up on the wall. When he was done, he brought his arms back down, brushing them against mine.

  “I have a height advantage,” he murmured, his breath warm on my ear. I shuddered suddenly and made the mistake of turning slightly to face him. He was much closer than I anticipated, and when I moved, my cheek touched his. But he didn’t move away. Neither did I. Our eyes locked and we both just stood there. I’m not sure if I breathed, or if he breathed, or if he could hear the loud pounding of my heart in my chest. Suddenly, his warm hand was on my cheek and he was closer to my face, closer…

  The door opened with a loud bang and I practically leapt back at least three feet. Henry stood in the doorway, staring at us. For the first time in his life, I don’t think he knew what to say. I looked back at Conner who stood there, his face twisted in what looked to be utter confusion. Without a word, he dropped the roll of streamers from his hand and quickly walked out of the room. I stood there, shaking and feeling completely abandoned.

  “What. Was. That?” Henry asked, walking towards me. I dropped to the floor and just sat there, not telling him what had just happened.

  Because in truth, I myself didn’t know.

  I had endless nightmares for the next week and a half. Maybe it was because Conner had stopped coming to see me. I woke up every night, screaming and crying uncontrollably. I saw Tyson dying, over and over, followed by an image of Conner walking away from me. I couldn’t reach either one of them. I tried to save Tyson and I tried to run after Conner, but both were useless actions because I was stuck. I couldn’t do anything and I was alone. I was so, so alone.

  Julianne noticed a sickly change in me over just a couple days, before she was to take her Christmas vacation and I could tell it frustrated her when she couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. She had the nurse lighten the dosage on my meds, in hope of bringing up my spirits. It didn’t do any good.

  The Christmas holiday came and went. A few patients went home, a few had visitors, and obviously the Ward staff was able to enjoy it. Julianne was only around two days out of that week, which still surprised me. If I had been in her shoes, I would have taken as much time as I could with my family, especially since her husband was so sick. But maybe being at work served as an escape from the devastation of what was happening in her home.

  Two days before the New Year’s Eve party, I was sitting quietly in my room when Henry barged in. I looked up, startled.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded, and I was surprised at his demeanor. He was seriously upset.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, but I could clearly see there was no point in trying to play dumb with him.

  “Ava, I love you dearly with all of my heart,” he said. “And I know we all have our good days and bad days in this place. But you’re all out of sorts and I have no idea why. I didn’t want to ask you about it in front of Shakespeare because I know you like to try to be tough in front of him…so spill your guts! What’s up?”

  “I’m having nightmares,” I came right out and told him. “I wake up screaming and sweaty every night. I can’t sleep, I feel sick if I eat. And it’s not just about Tyson anymore.” I didn’t have to say Conner’s name. Henry knew.

  “He doesn’t come around anymore,” I said quietly, letting my head drop slightly. “I didn’t realize I could become so close to someone again, in a matter of a couple of months. I didn’t think I would actually be sick from the lack of being around him. I should’ve never let him in like I did.”

  “Have a little faith in him, Ava,” Henry said, sitting down on the floor facing me. “The Christmas holidays just ended, he was probably home with his family. He’s not gonna leave you.”

  “Leave me?” I chuckled grimly. “He’s not with me, how could he leave me?”

  “The New Year’s Eve party is in two days,” Henry said then, and I was really surprised in the sudden change in subject. “Aren’t you excited about getting all dolled up? Oh, and Channing is going.”

  “Really?” I replied, and a smile touched my lips for the first time in several days.

  “You’ve got to let me help you get all dolled up,” Henry grinned. “Promise you’ll let me make you over, Miss Darton?”

  “Of course!” I smiled again. “It’s going to be fun.
Not to mention the decorations are phenomenal.”

  “Nothing short of amazing,” Henry added. He stood up then. “C’mon. Let’s go play poker in Shakespeare’s room.”

  20.

  December 31st arrived and the party would begin at 7:30 that evening. Julianne came by my room with the dress Channing had left for me—and surprisingly, Channing herself.

  “Hey!” I smiled, hugging Channing immediately as she entered the room. Julianne was grinning as she put the dress on my bed.

  “I’m looking forward to seeing you all dressed up, Ava,” she said, and left.

  “Henry tells me you’ve been acting odd lately,” Channing said, as soon as Julianne was out of the room. I rolled my eyes.

  “Oh, he’s a little gossiper, isn’t he?” was my reply. “I’m fine now that you’re here. We’re going to have a good time tonight.”

  “I’m glad you’re looking forward to it,” she smiled. “Ooo, wait ‘til you see my dress! It’s really pretty. My mom bought it for me last weekend. I was surprised she even supported me coming out here to this. I was such an embarrassment to her when I was admitted here, after all.”

  “Maybe she sees what good it did you,” I suggested. “Now, let’s see that dress!”

  Channing had brought a duffel bag in with her and now set it on the floor, unzipping it. She pulled out a bundle of baby blue fabric, not quite as poofy as the pink dress she’d loaned me.

  “Oh, it’s beautiful,” I breathed, as she held it out for me to see. It was strapless, floor-length, solid baby blue. Very simple, very classic.

  “Henry was comparing this to prom,” I told her, smiling slightly. “It really is. Did you go to prom?”

  “No,” Channing sat down on my bed. “I was very quiet in high school, very shy. I got all flustered if a boy ever so much as looked at me. I didn’t like any attention whatsoever.”

  “You don’t seem so shy now,” I replied. “What changed?”

  “Oh, I just got sent to a nuthouse,” she chuckled. “That’s enough attention to bring anyone out of their shell, I guess.”

  “I guess.”

  “Let’s say, hypothetically, this was prom,” Channing said then. “Who would you want to be your date? Out of every guy here, I mean.”

  “Slim pickings,” I joked. “Hmmm. Probably Henry.”

  “Oh, you can’t choose Henry!” Channing exclaimed. “He’s gay!”

  “So?” I smiled. “It’s about who you have fun with. You don’t have to marry your prom date. But if I couldn’t go with Henry, probably Shakespeare, I guess.”

  “Yeah, he’d probably be the first one to ask you,” Channing nodded. I raised my right eyebrow as I sat down on the bed next to her.

  “Who would you go with?” I asked. She thought for a moment.

  “Conner Walker,” she said, finally, causing my stomach to turn a sudden flip.

  “Why?” I asked her.

  “He’s nice, easy on the eyes,” she replied. “Plus, he’s British, which means he’s got manners and knows how to dance like Mr. Darcy, right?”

  I laughed at the Pride and Prejudice reference.

  “Maybe,” was all I said. Just hearing his name said out loud was enough to make me feel sick all over again.

  “I bet he’ll be there tonight,” Channing said. I just shrugged. She had no idea what had happened a week prior and I didn’t intend on telling her.

  “Well, we have two hours to get all dolled up!” She abruptly changed the subject, as if she knew something was wrong. “I’ll go get Henry so he can help us do our make-up.”

  “Make-up?” I questioned.

  “Oh yeah,” she pulled more stuff out of her bag. “With Julianne’s permission, we are going to be super sexy tonight!! Eyeliner, lipstick, blush…we’re going all out, Miss Ava!” I couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

  Surprisingly, it did take us almost all of the two hours to get dressed and ready. This most likely had something to do with the fact that Henry liked to dance around and take his time while applying make-up.

  “Henry,” I said at one point, as he gently smoothed glittery white eye shadow over my eyelids.

  “Yes?” he asked.

  “You’re definitely a better make-up artist than I ever gave you credit for,” I told him.

  “Oh, Ava,” he laughed hard. “You are a funny one.”

  “Hey, Channing?” I said, abruptly, glancing over at her. She was standing by the chest on the other side of the room, running a brush through her long dark hair.

  “Don’t move!” Henry hissed, raising the eye shadow applicator from my eyelid.

  “Sorry,” I giggled and he got back to work.

  “Yeah?” she answered.

  “Did you see Aurelia when you came up here last time?” I asked. She hesitated before replying.

  “Um, yeah,” she paused brushing. “I did.”

  “What’s up with her?” I asked. “I haven’t so much as seen her anywhere, except in group therapy lately. And even then, she doesn’t say a word.”

  “I dunno,” Channing said. “She’s on too much medicine, I think. Who knows with Aurelia, though, right?” She gave a light laugh and I knew she was lying. But I didn’t push the issue any further.

  At 7:00, Channing and I went to the bathroom to change into our dresses. There, we’d be able to see what Henry had done to our faces in the mirrors. I slipped the dress on and was surprised at how perfectly it fit. I went to stand in front of one of the mirrors and lost my breath.

  I had barely looked at myself since entering Craneville and I didn’t recognize the girl that stared back at me. My light hair was so long, flowing down my back gratefully, free from the ponytail I’d kept it in every day since I’d been here. Henry had done wonders with the make-up. I actually had color in my cheeks and the eye shadow and mascara made my blue eyes pop. Not to mention, despite my dramatic weight loss from being in Craneville, this dress actually made me looks as though I still had my feminine curves. I wanted to burst into tears at the sight of a girl who looked almost normal.

  “Oh, Ava,” Channing said, walking over to me in her own blue dress.

  “You look so great,” I turned to her, smiling widely, tears welling up in my eyes.

  “Look at you!” she reached out and lightly touched my hair. “You’re gorgeous!”

  “Except for these slippers,” I pulled up my dress to show her my bedroom slippers. She laughed.

  “Sorry I didn’t have any shoes to let you borrow,” she apologized. “You’ve got pretty big feet.” I laughed and it came out sounding more like a choked cry.

  “Ava, why are you crying?” she asked suddenly. I held my head back so tears wouldn’t spill down my cheeks and mess up Henry’s beautiful make-up job.

  “I’m not,” I told her, finally letting my head back down to look at her. “It’s just…I know this might not make sense to you, but, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am…alive.”

  She smiled.

  “That makes perfect sense to me,” she said, softly.

  We walked down the hall towards my room and Henry and Shakespeare stood there, both also in bedroom slippers. They both just stared at us.

  “Gorgeous women!” Henry exclaimed. “I think I might’ve just turned straight!” Channing and I both laughed. I looked over at Shakespeare who was staring at me.

  “I don’t even recognize you, Ava,” he murmured, putting his arms around me and giving me a quick hug. “You look so beautiful.”

  I blushed.

  “Thanks, Shakespeare,” I replied, then admiring his tux. “You don’t look so shabby yourself.” He grinned.

  “Yeah, me and Henry are styling and profiling it up tonight,” he told me. I looked over at Henry then. He was too skinny for his tux, but he still looked like a million bucks. There was a glow about all four of us, as if for this one night, we were okay—free of all tragedy.

  “Say, has anyone seen Aurelia?” Henry asked us then. None of u
s had.

  “She’s probably already in the activities room,” Shakespeare said. “I think it’s after 7:30.”

  “Shall we?” Henry smiled then, offering his arm to Channing. She took it with a wide grin.

  “Let’s go,” she replied.

  “C’mon, Shake,” I was smiling too, as I linked my arm in his. “Let’s dance the night away.”

  “Wow, you guys did great on the decorations,” Shakespeare commented, as we entered the activities room. Henry and I had done a good job with the streamers, balloons, and banners, but someone else had come in to totally transform where we ate every day. The room was dark, lit only by colorful party lights that had been put up on the corners of the walls. Four disco balls also hung from the ceiling, causing magical flashes of light to glitter throughout the room. It really was just like prom.

  Everyone was already there, including Julianne, who walked up to us immediately. She was wearing a gorgeous midnight blue dress with her red hair pinned up on her head.

  “Oh, you all look so wonderful!” she exclaimed. “I’ve got to get a picture!” She ran over to Josephine, who was standing against the wall in a floor length black dress.

  “Josephine, you look gorgeous,” Henry called to her. She flashed him a large smile as she handed Julianne a camera.

  “Thank you, baby!” she laughed. “Aren’t you all just scrumptious-looking tonight!”

  “Smile!” Julianne said, aiming the camera at the four of us. We all gave our best smiles and were nearly blinded by the bright picture flash. I had to blink fast for a couple of seconds to fully regain my vision.

  “This all looks really great, Julianne,” I told her, talking loudly over the music that was playing.

  “Oh, well it was a combined effort,” she replied. “You and Henry did most of this decorating!”

  “We definitely didn’t have anything to do with the strobe lights and disco balls,” Henry laughed. “It all really came together.”